Version 2.030

I had my first counseling session today. This is one of the reasons why healthcare is expensive in the U.S.: last Wednesday, I made an appointment to see a physician for the following day, and less than a week later, I have already seen the counselor she referred me to, plus she ordered a brace for my arm to prevent carpal tunnel syndrome and it's already waiting for me to pick it up. Oh, and there's a pandemic going on, massive unemployment, shutdowns, etc. If Americans had to wait 6 months or a year to see a specialist, they'd go crazy--and they're already quite crazy.

The counseling session went OK, but it is not one of those things that I am comfortable doing; however, since I am in physical pain, I am forcing myself to go all the way. Nevertheless, it feels really shitty to be talking about my "problems" when there are so many other people who have it worse than me. When I told the counselor that I was having trouble concentrating and sometimes I just pace around, while accomplishing nothing, she suggested that I may have adult ADHD.

I don't think I do; under normal circumstances I enjoy staring at the ceiling for a very long time, which I don't thing people with attention deficit disorder do. In fact, most of my coworkers make fun of me when I'm working on something because I am completely oblivious to what is going on around me. So maybe that is the problem: if I am used to being able to concentrate so hard, I really notice it when I can't do it.

Several of my Portuguese friends sent me messages to ask if everything was OK in my neck of the woods. One could say that I am living in a bubble. None of this instability has affected me, but, of course, I have had my share of uncertainty in my life, so it was bound to happen that I'd be unaffected by something one day. I cannot say that it feels good to be in a good situation because one of my first reactions was survivor's guilt, since I know I am fairly good at navigating uncertainty and I feel sorry for those that aren't. But we all have to learn.

Anyway, the counselor gave me some homework. I am supposed to use an app called Covid Coach to help me deal with stress, so I'll set aside some time tomorrow to learn the ropes of this thing.