Version 2.131

One of my friends is very depressed, which I found out today, as I listened to a description of some of the same feelings that had assaulted me last May. I was lucky that my depression and anxiety manifested itself in physical ailments, like silent acid reflux and tightness in my back, so when I went to the doctor thinking that I was having heart trouble, as part of the initial check up, I was given a test to check on my mental health.

My physician diagnosed depression right away and I was imediately enrolled in a temporary counseling program that accompanied me for six sessions over the course of almost three months. It really helped me and I did not have any out-of-pocket expenses, as this was covered by my insurance. When the pandemic started, my employer ramped up the mental healthcare coverage of our insurance.

As I was thinking about my own depression I opened up my healthcare app and looked up the notes that my physician and then my counselor made last May and June and it looks pretty bleak: "anxiety with depression" and then "episode of recurrent major depressive disorder, unspecified depression episode severity." It is hard to read this and think that it applies to me, as it looks like a death sentence and I suppose that for some people it is.

The brain plays tricks on you because in order to know that your brain is not working well, it would be helpfult to have a brain that worked well enough to recognize the problem, but therein lies the rub. It's not like when one has an unwell arm or leg that your functioning brain recognizes right away that there is something amiss. The unwell brain is a totally different animal. I am still digesting my friend's condition and how I can help or at least suggest help.

On a more cheerful note, I finished Esther Perel's "Mating in Captivity," which led me to think about all the books that I have read this year, plus the ones that I have started. I suppose my main problem is that I am a grazer, I always start a bunch of things and so it takes time to finish when your always starting on something else. But I have been trying to improve and if I feel like I am too stuck on fiction, I move on to non-fiction, which I can read faster.

My year so far:

• Bettencourt, Pedro Alves. "Telefona-me Porque Não Tenho Saldo"
• Dacosta, Fernando. O Botequim da Liberdade
• Hammersley, Toni. "The Complete Book of Home"
• Henry, Veronica. "How to Find Love in a Bookstore""
• Perel, Esther. "Mating in Captivity"
• Schiele, Egon, Arthur Roessler. "Egon Schiele en Prisión. Notas y Dibujos"
• Santos, Hugo. "O Resto do que Ficou"
• Scharer, Whitney. "The Age of Light" (Audiobook)
• Torga, Miguel. Diário III

Currently Reading:

• Correia, Natália. "Não Percas a Rosa"
• Shafak, Elif. "The Forty Rules of Love""
• Soares, Bernardo. "The Book of Disquiet" (Audiobook)