Version 2.134

 I left Memphis at 1 PM and drove about 800 Km west in less than 8 hours. I only made a couple of short stops for gas and a bathroom break in a rest area in AR. From Braga to Faro it is 600 Km and it takes a bit over 5 hours, so it seems to be pretty comparable in terms of speed. The speed limit in Arkansas has just been increased from 70 to 75 mph, so every time I saw a sign, I felt like I was driving in TX. Of course, TX has just increased their speed limit from 75 to 80 mph. Oddly enough, the Apple map did not show the updated speed limits.

Driving between Memphis and Little Rock is usually the most boring piece and this time was no exception, but even from Little Rock to Fort Smith was wicked this time. It’s unbelievable the amount of traffic across AR and then you get to Oklahoma and it’s like you’re in a different country. Well, technically, you’re in a different nation, the Cherokee Nation, which is a 7000 square mile territory in northeastern Oklahoma. Funny enough, during this trip, I noticed how many Native American names there are in OK. 

The sky was a weird shade of blue during the day and some of the people with whom I spoke suggested that maybe it was because of the fires in California and Oregon. It’s hard for people to understand just how massive the U.S. is, especially the bigger states. 

I feel extremely dehydrated, since I did not drink that much, just 24 fl. oz. of tea. Tomorrow, I must do better than that. 

Version 2.133

I am on my one-week vacation, although I still have to take another six weeks of vacation before the end of May--it ain't gonna happen. It also does not feel very "vacationy" considering that my plans got cancelled, plus I don't feel comfortable traveling to big cities as of yet. Well, the glass is half-full: I am safe, which is something that the people on the path of hurricane Sally cannot be certain of. Tomorrow I will go west, to Oklahoma, so I will not be in the way of the storm and I will even skip the rainfall. Today I should have packed, but I just procrastinated and decided to cook instead.

My second package of Portuguese books arrived from Wook. It left Portugal on August 20, so it took about three and a half weeks. That's not bad at all, I suppose, considering that the first package took five weeks. Speaking of buying books, I think that on my trip, I may swing by Half Price Books in Oklahoma City. There used to be a bookstore that I really liked called Full Circle Bookstore, across from Penn Square Mall. I remember buying a Richard Feynman book there.

During my last year of the Ph.D. program, we had an apartment in OKC for a few months. I used to stay at the apartment during the weekends and stay at my in-laws, in Stillwater, during the week. I did not even finish unpacking the apartment, which was for the best, as I ended up moving to Fayetteville, AR at the end of May to start working June 1. Our favorite restaurant in OKC was La Baguette Bistro, which is owned by two French brothers. It has the best chocolate cake in the world, not that I can have any now. Well, I suppose I could, I'd just be sick after. We always had brunch on the weekend at La Baguette and there was this amazing waitress that we adored and we used to give her at least 30% tips.

One summer we went to the film series at the Oklahoma City Public Library and one of the films we saw was "The Stone Reader." It is still one of my favorite documentaries, even though I never got around to reading "The Stones of Summer," the book that it is about. But there is time, as I own the book and the documentary. I really enjoyed that summer and all the cultural activities we did.

Version 2.132

A few days ago, I booked five nights at the Lodge at Gulf State Park, in Alabama. The room was supposed to have a balcony with a view of the Gulf of Mexico, the park had walking trails and one could ride a bike. I figured that, since it was right after Labor Day, there would be fewer people than during the summer, the water would be a deep blue, I could have my meals outside or order room service and eat in the balcony, and since it is a state park, there were no commercial areas nearby, no noise, no unnecessary distractions. I could spend my days reading and staring at the horizon until I were utterly bored out of my mind.

There is a hurricane headead to my slice of paradise. Well, it will be a tropical storm when it lands and it's only a category one hurricane, but that's what it says now. What it said a few days ago was that there would be up to 50% chance of rain and that was it. So God knows what Hurricane Sally might end up being. I actually considered going until late this afternoon, but then my girlfriends freaked out that I'd be driving into a hurricane. Plus, I started thinking that my car might flood and my car is kind of new, as in a few months old, so I best not press my luck. Then there is also the color of the water: the Gulf will be brown, so the chances of me staring out into the deep blue are nil. And so I cancelled.

I tried looking for other places to go; places that had lots of water and were within reasonable driving distance, but there is nothing outside the hurricane area. I could make it a road trip and drive six hours, get a hotel room spend the night, then drive another six hours to get to a place on the Atlantic, spend a couple of nights, then drive back again in two days, but I don't want to do it because there's a pandemic and I don't really want to be around a bunch of people in a a bunch of places I have no desire to visit--at least not at this time. All I wanted was a few days to get my mind completely numb from being too bored.

I don't know where I am going. Not that that's any different from the rest of my life.

Version 2.131

One of my friends is very depressed, which I found out today, as I listened to a description of some of the same feelings that had assaulted me last May. I was lucky that my depression and anxiety manifested itself in physical ailments, like silent acid reflux and tightness in my back, so when I went to the doctor thinking that I was having heart trouble, as part of the initial check up, I was given a test to check on my mental health.

My physician diagnosed depression right away and I was imediately enrolled in a temporary counseling program that accompanied me for six sessions over the course of almost three months. It really helped me and I did not have any out-of-pocket expenses, as this was covered by my insurance. When the pandemic started, my employer ramped up the mental healthcare coverage of our insurance.

As I was thinking about my own depression I opened up my healthcare app and looked up the notes that my physician and then my counselor made last May and June and it looks pretty bleak: "anxiety with depression" and then "episode of recurrent major depressive disorder, unspecified depression episode severity." It is hard to read this and think that it applies to me, as it looks like a death sentence and I suppose that for some people it is.

The brain plays tricks on you because in order to know that your brain is not working well, it would be helpfult to have a brain that worked well enough to recognize the problem, but therein lies the rub. It's not like when one has an unwell arm or leg that your functioning brain recognizes right away that there is something amiss. The unwell brain is a totally different animal. I am still digesting my friend's condition and how I can help or at least suggest help.

On a more cheerful note, I finished Esther Perel's "Mating in Captivity," which led me to think about all the books that I have read this year, plus the ones that I have started. I suppose my main problem is that I am a grazer, I always start a bunch of things and so it takes time to finish when your always starting on something else. But I have been trying to improve and if I feel like I am too stuck on fiction, I move on to non-fiction, which I can read faster.

My year so far:

• Bettencourt, Pedro Alves. "Telefona-me Porque Não Tenho Saldo"
• Dacosta, Fernando. O Botequim da Liberdade
• Hammersley, Toni. "The Complete Book of Home"
• Henry, Veronica. "How to Find Love in a Bookstore""
• Perel, Esther. "Mating in Captivity"
• Schiele, Egon, Arthur Roessler. "Egon Schiele en Prisión. Notas y Dibujos"
• Santos, Hugo. "O Resto do que Ficou"
• Scharer, Whitney. "The Age of Light" (Audiobook)
• Torga, Miguel. Diário III

Currently Reading:

• Correia, Natália. "Não Percas a Rosa"
• Shafak, Elif. "The Forty Rules of Love""
• Soares, Bernardo. "The Book of Disquiet" (Audiobook)

Version 2.130

With the Labor Day weekend last Monday, many things got delayed one day, including trash pick up and the weekly export sales report. I am curious about the numbers tomorrow, but soon enough they'll be out. Another thing that is out is Rage, the new Bob Woodward book. I have not read it, nor do I plan to read it. It is too depressing, plus I already know the President is unfit.

I wasn't expecting another book after Fear, but I suppose that one did not have the desired effeect, so he wrote another one. It will not make a difference; people are too set in their ways and they rationalize. Plus, they also have selective memory: they conveniently forget how big the deficit is or that debt was already increasing before the virus. But the ultimate goal of this new book is certainly to influence the upcoming election. I suppose that from now until the election, a lot more books like this will come out. What a weird reality we live in...

Version 2.129

After a hiatus of about 40 years, I played pinball today. Rah-rah, yay for me! My neighbor has an old 1964 pinball machine that she had repaired and it was delivered today, so I took a coffee break after lunch and she let me play. I told her and her husband that the last time I had played had been in Portugal, when I was a child and my parents would go to a restaurant in Bairrada where they had roasted suckling pig, with really crisp skin. Her husband was very interested in trying out leitão. I should have showed them a picture, but it looks kind of weird.

I don't know of any Latino grocery stores around here, like real ones, where they sell prepared meats. They usually have roasted pig, but it's not the same as leitão. For starters, there is no crackling and the seasoning is different. Still, it is quite good. I used to buy it all the time when I lived in Houston because my house was within walking distance of a Latino supermarket.

The campaign for the Presidential election seems to have started in Portugal. It is absolutely appaling how the media carries Marcelo Rebelo de Sousa. This is not free press; it's a Public Relations machine. Then we have to put up with the public displays of affection between the Prime Minister and the President. Do they jack each other off during their meetings? If they don't, they sure look like they'd like to.

I would like Portuguese women to explain to me why they vote for socialists. I say this because the Socialist Party still has not supported a woman for President, but I suspect it must be the same reason why American women vote for Donald Trump. When I say that I'd like a woman President, many of my friends always ask if a competent man isn't better than an incompetent woman. The underlying bias of that question is that men are competent by default, but women have to prove that they are competent to get the job. I present you evidence otherwise: Donald Trump and Marcelo Rebelo de Sousa. I rest my case.

Version 2.128

I have been thinking about an episode that happened a couple of days ago. At the insistence of my dog, we extended the walk a little bit longer and we ran into one of my neighbors, who happens to have a crush on me. And is married. In the beginning, I thought that maybe I was being overly sensitive, since I have a bit of paranoya about misleading people, so I tend to be very cold when in person. But then I showed the messages that I had received to a friend and she agreed with me that they were inappropriate. For the most part, when talking to the gentleman in question, I pretend to be stupid--well, I am sure that there are plenty of people who think I am stupid, so I am just being purposelly so.

So my dog and I were walking and we run into the neighbor, who I had been avoiding, not even replying to his messages. He asked me how I had been, since he had not seen me in a while and I said that I had had surgery, so I had stayed mostly home. This is very much true because after my surgery, I was not allowed to brush my teeth for three weeks, so I had to use a powerful desinfectant that killed all the bugs, but also made my teeth completely stained. So I did not seek social engagement with everyone, although I still walked my dog every day and even went to a neighbor's party, when my face was all bruised and my teeth stained. By chance, I never ran into this particular neighbor, which was just as well.

After I told him I had had surgery, he told me he hoped that I was doing well and then asked me if I had lost my mean streak. I played stupid and said that I did not understand, although it seems that he thinks that I am being mean by not replying to his messages. He jokingly asked again if I had lost my mean streak and then added 'Oh, I'm just kidding."

This is the part about social interaction that completely passes me by: the need to do small talk. I mean, I love to talk and sometimes I can't keep my mouth shut, which is saying something, but my conversations are driven by curiosity. Like when I talk to the Uber or Lyft drivers, how they started, what they did before, how they like it, their relationship with Uber/Lyft, the kind of music they listen to, etc. But I don't like the "how's it going. It's a great day. I haven't seen you in a while. Your dog is cute. Can I pet him?"

Luckily, my dog goes bonkers if people get too close to me and so he had just started to jump up and down to make himself appear larger that what he really is. Julian thinks that he has to protect me and I need to backoff so that he can take care of the threatening person or dog, so there's a two-way dance that he does: jump at me, so that I can stand back, and jump at the potential aggressor so that they keep away. This is kind of handy because that way, I have to keep a safe distance from other people and I also cannot linger too long.

And that's exactly how this conversation ended: my neighbor asked me if he could pet my cute dog and I told him no because my dog was too protective. And then I dragged my dog out of there and finished the walk. I was basically a bitch or mean. Whatever...

Version 2.127

 Today was Labor Day, but it actually felt more like a Sunday than a holiday. There were lots of people out shopping and enjoying the long weekend, which marks the end of the summer vacation season. Tradition says no white clothes after Labor Day, but that has gone out the window. 

Things are lopsided anyway, for example, lots of businesses have filed for bankruptcy, but my neighbor is the manager of a brand new discount store, which is officially opening on the 10th, but has had its doors open just for the sake of employee training and they were really busy today, despite no advertising that the store was open. People just see the parking lot full and customers walking in and they decide to check it out. And even though unemployment is high, it is hard for him to fill the open positions at his store because so many people apply, but do not show up for the interview.

On the election front, without the rallies, there isn't much visibility on what the candidates are saying, but what intrigues me is that I don't see much support for the President from the big GOP figures. It's as if there isn't much interest in helping Trump win. 

Twelve years ago, toward the end of the second Bush term, which also marked the beginning of the financial crisis, the White House staff just threw in the towel. The Bush Administration were so eager to leave, that they even discussed whether Obama could be sworn in before January 20. I have a feeling that something similar will happen after this election. 

Of course, one does not know who will win yet, but Trump no longer has the advantage of the surprise factor and now people  consider him a credible candidate, not just a joke with very little chances of winning. The last three Presidents all enjoyed two term appointments, but it is not the rule, so statistically speaking it would be a very long shot to have another second term. But who knows, 2020 vision isn't what it used to be.

But I am not complaining. Clorofila Azul will soon release a new album, so I will have something with which to entertain myself for a while.

Version 2.126

The first notification I received on my phone today was a recommendation to read a tweet from a young man who says that, as a general rule, women in their 40s who are single or divorced and are alone are clearly alone because nobody wants them. Sometimes I wonder what the artificially intelligent think of me to send me this type of information, but I went ahead and read the discussion. After all, it's Sunday: some people read the Bible, I read Twitter. 

In the replies, quite a few women were upset that this guy would say such a thing; then there were the nice men who thought he was a fool. Both these two groups sounded like they were trying to convince the young man that he had made a mistake.

I thought it was really nice of the young man to state his opinion and quite useful to society. Of course, the one group who did not need the information were the women in their forties. It seems like they have been steering away from him already, which is probably best for both parties.

The rest of my day was full of ideas about finishing the decoration of the house. I hung two curtain  panels that I purchased yesterday at Pottery Barn, but I still need some hooks to hang the other two. I also decided to wash the curtains that Julian had marked and was really happy to have them come out perfectly clean. The only issue I ran into was that, after washing and drying, I had the lovely idea of using the steam cycle to remove wrinkles and I ended up shrinking them about 4 inches. Oops...

My industrious Sunday did not end there. I finally decided to put the collection of nudes on the east dining room wall. I went up and down the ladder to measure everything so many times that I kept thinking that that was a pretty good workout--my walls are slightly over 3 meters tall, which is about two Ritas. There is one piece that is probably one centimeter off, which I measured and then tried to eyeball a slight adjustment, but it is hardly noticeable.

What a difference it made in the space! I cannot stop looking at it and grinning because I am so happy. To kick it up a notch, I went on the Pottery Barn website and bought a leather covered bench to put under the dining room window. There was a 20% off coupon, but I still managed to spend almost $700 after tax and shipping and handling. It will be here late November/early December. Needless to say that I completely forgot about the virtual tour of the Dixon at 2 PM, which was rather unfortunate, but I will try to not miss the next one. I'll ask my artificially intelligent phone to remind me.

I barely read today, so my goal for tomorrow is to settle down and focus on my reading. Still, I got a few pages in of the Mating in Captivity, which I am reading on the iPad. As I started and turned the page, the iPad congratulated me for achieving my daily reading goal, which I assume has been set at three quarters of a page. I know that sometimes I get distracted, but even my most distracted self would not set such a low goal for myself. If anything, I would err on the side of being too ambitious, rather than self-condescending. 

Then a notification on my phone popped up saying that I had increased my screen time for the week in about two hours a day--that's because I've been reading a lot this week and it's an e-book. Little does Apple know that my job is all done on the computer or I'd blow the fuse on their artificial intelligence. 

Version 2.125

The U.S. seems to be open for business. Every time I venture outside, there are more people shopping. Even restaurants with patios are at full capacity, which I find surprising. The last time I ate in a restaurant was in March. My Memphis girlfriends had their monthly dinner a few days ago, but I skipped it again. The restaurant they went to had plastic bubbles surrounding the tables. I suppose that it's part novelty, part necessity, but it's amazing how quickly people adjusted and how swiftly all these products appeared.

Anyway, I went to thee Dixon Galleries and Garden today and really enjoyed the exhibit of the National Academy of Design collection. It was also nice to see the permanent collection, which is probably my favorite here in Memphis. A few days ago, the Dixon called asking if I was interested in renewing my membership, which I did, since I sometimes am a bit lazy and let it lapse. The museum is open to the public free of charge for a while, as a way of giving back to the community. On Sundays and Tuesdays, they also have virtual tours online, which I will try to do tomorrow. 

Version 2.124

Friday before Labor Day. We are all tired and concerned with the upcoming election. There is are many clouds hanging over us, as people have realized that we are in a catch-22. If Trump wins, we have four more years of demented government; if he loses, he will refuse to step down. 

One of the things that Americans are most proud of is the peaceful transition of power. That will become a myth after this year.  It it is too soon to fold, as anything is possible in America. Maybe the whole cabinet will resign before the election and spill the beans, who knows... Americans do the right thing, after they’ve tried everything else.

What is surprising is that one does not hear that many Republican politicians supporting the President. Today, I saw a Biden yard sign in my neighborhood, it was the first political sign that I have seen for this election. The cherry on top is that the neighbors are white. I will not be putting any signs up, but I’m curious to see who will. 

Version 2.123

My neighbors had their yard sodded. I am hoping their underground irrigation system is operational now because twice I have had silt accumulate on the sidewalk in front of my house from them trying to figure out what’s wrong with lots of water coming down the sidewalk. 

They’re very nice people, but the silt is a bit of a pain. I don’t really want to complain to them about it because, a few months ago, they gave me all their hostas, which were probably worth several hundred dollars if I were to purchase such mature plants. 

On a whim, I bought trees for the garden: two dogwood and a mock-orange shrub. I really need to get my ducks in a row and do something, since the current garden layout stresses me out. I also need to call someone to redo the half bathroom, since it is still all torn up from the pinhole leak that was repaired in April, I think. I can’t believe it’s been that long...

I have been seriously thinking about taking a vacation sometime this month—I do not particularly care for September, so maybe a vacation will help it go away faster. At this point, my destination of choice would be the Alabama coast. I have never spent any meaningful time in Alabama, so it would be nice to learn something new. Plus, seeing the ocean again, even if it were just the Gulf, would be good for my disposition. 

During the week that I spent recovering from surgery, I managed to read a book, so I think I could probably read a couple or finish a few that I have started if I took some time off. My iPhone has such low expectations that it congratulates me on the first page I read, saying that I have met my reading goal for the day. Somehow this does not feel like artificial intelligence; it’s more along the lines of artificial naïveté. The other advantage of a vacation is that I really need to do something because, if I don’t, I start to have anxiety attacks, which reminds me, I need to schedule an appointment with a psychologist. 

I am looking forward to tomorrow, since this weekend will be long on account of Labor Day on Monday. It marks the official end of the summer season, the time of year when people start to focus on work and leave their white Summer clothes in the closet.

Version 2.122

Yesterday, I was mean to someone named Walter. Walter is volunteering for the Democratic Party, sending messages to potential voters, so he sends this upbeat SMS asking if they can count on me to vote Democratic all the way down the ballot. I reply “No. Biden sucks.” Of course, he was volunteering on behalf of Texas and I’m no longer there, so my answer was very accurate: no, I will note vote Democratic in TX and, yes, Biden sucks big time. Then Walter asked if this was Rita and I replied “Rita is no longer in TX. An old white man is not a progressive candidate.” 

Later on, I realized that I need to be more careful with these messages because two of my girlfriends in TX are volunteering for Biden and, if I happen to be on their roster, I shall get in trouble. But it is true that I dislike candidate Joe Biden: it feels like I’m back in 1985, but there’s no cute Marty McFly to look at. Heck, I’d settle for Doc, at least Doc doesn’t come across as someone who is about to fall asleep. Which wrong turn in the universe did we take to end up here?

Anyway, since it is election season over here, I went and checked the election calendar for Portugal. It says that in September, we elect the “Conselho das Comunidades Portuguesas.” What the heck is that? We’re in September and I don’t see any news about it. How much money do these people cost taxpayers and who’s running? If only Portugal were a democracy with freedom of the press...

Version 2.121

 I was born at the perfect time to know of the Carnation Revolution, but not really know the revolution or the period right before it. I was not taught about it in school because it was too recent and the dust was still settling. Every time my father and I broached the subject, he just thought it impossible that I knew nothing and he got very frustrated. 

There were several books about topics of the revolution at home, but I was never interested in reading them, as memorizing pop music lyrics, names of bands, actors, films, i.e., Anglo-Saxon culture was much more to my liking and I was very good at it. Then, with my mother, I never talked about politics. When I lived in Portugal, after I was old enough to vote, I forced my parents to vote in every election. “If you don’t vote, you don’t get to bitch,” I would tell them. Sometimes, they would vote for people I did not care for, but that’s how democracy works.

Lately, I have been more interested in the revolutionary period, but not in the sense of learning the official version, the one that gets printed in the history books. I am curious about what society was like, how good were the media, were the most educated people deferential and submissive, how did people rationalize the political context in which they lived, etc.

Perhaps my interest in these topics stems from a certain incredulity regarding the amount of idiotic things that Portuguese media do and transmit—the President of the Republic reduced to a pauper and lifeguard comes to mind. How can a society that is more educated, supposedly knows how to read and write, uses the Internet, manage to come across as utterly naive? 

I know the answer: look at America and Trump! Yes, let’s look at America and Trump. I have lost count of how many lawsuits have been brought against Trump and his businesses. The media has been relentless in criticizing him, people have taken to the streets to demonstrate against him. 

Well, people in Portugal also demonstrate against Trump. Why? Do the Portuguese not have their own causes to demonstrate against? Aren’t there people suffering with the pandemic? I could swear there are people needing urgent medical care whose name is on a waiting list that is several months or years long. What about those who get harassed by telecom companies? 

Ah, that reminds me. Today I got a postcard in the mail regarding a lawsuit in which I am a plaintiff. It turns out that one of my banks overcharged on ATM fees when people asked for their balance and I was one of those people. I actually remember that happening  so the card said there was a settlement, I was entitled to some money, and I did not need to do anything to receive it. It will come my way.

Version 2.120

As luck would have it, I found a miniscule caterpillar dangling from a tree, holding on from the tall branches by the thinnest silk thread. What a strange sight. I watched it contort itself, as if it were a circus trapezist, trying its best to climb up the thread, but it did not seem to be making much progress, although there was a little skein of white thread on its chest--do caterpillars have chests? 

I ended up grabbing the thread and carrying my newly found friend to the trunk of a tree, where it started to make its way up, treading quickly. It is a comforting thought to think that one of these days, the butterfly that crosses my path might be today's caterpillar.

The other exciting part of my day was working on the monthly supply and demand for Bangladesh. Sometimes I get mesmerized by the numbers and how well one metric corroborates another. It feels like you are looking at some dark secret of the universe that things do need to make sense. 

While reminiscing about my academic life in high school, I was reminded that in ninth grade, I did a vocational test that indicated I should go into accounting. I have no idea why that would be the case as, when I did take accounting, I did not find it particularly appealing. 

Yet, I do enjoy plugging numbers into tables and just staring at how they fit together. The big disadvantage of accounting is that it is pretty much repetitive and not that creative -- I suppose I am being unfair as tax law and tax evasion seem to be rather creative endeavors and lucrative, too. I do enjoy my work though, although I have been told that it seems pretty boring.