quarta-feira, 9 de setembro de 2020

Version 2.128

I have been thinking about an episode that happened a couple of days ago. At the insistence of my dog, we extended the walk a little bit longer and we ran into one of my neighbors, who happens to have a crush on me. And is married. In the beginning, I thought that maybe I was being overly sensitive, since I have a bit of paranoya about misleading people, so I tend to be very cold when in person. But then I showed the messages that I had received to a friend and she agreed with me that they were inappropriate. For the most part, when talking to the gentleman in question, I pretend to be stupid--well, I am sure that there are plenty of people who think I am stupid, so I am just being purposelly so.

So my dog and I were walking and we run into the neighbor, who I had been avoiding, not even replying to his messages. He asked me how I had been, since he had not seen me in a while and I said that I had had surgery, so I had stayed mostly home. This is very much true because after my surgery, I was not allowed to brush my teeth for three weeks, so I had to use a powerful desinfectant that killed all the bugs, but also made my teeth completely stained. So I did not seek social engagement with everyone, although I still walked my dog every day and even went to a neighbor's party, when my face was all bruised and my teeth stained. By chance, I never ran into this particular neighbor, which was just as well.

After I told him I had had surgery, he told me he hoped that I was doing well and then asked me if I had lost my mean streak. I played stupid and said that I did not understand, although it seems that he thinks that I am being mean by not replying to his messages. He jokingly asked again if I had lost my mean streak and then added 'Oh, I'm just kidding."

This is the part about social interaction that completely passes me by: the need to do small talk. I mean, I love to talk and sometimes I can't keep my mouth shut, which is saying something, but my conversations are driven by curiosity. Like when I talk to the Uber or Lyft drivers, how they started, what they did before, how they like it, their relationship with Uber/Lyft, the kind of music they listen to, etc. But I don't like the "how's it going. It's a great day. I haven't seen you in a while. Your dog is cute. Can I pet him?"

Luckily, my dog goes bonkers if people get too close to me and so he had just started to jump up and down to make himself appear larger that what he really is. Julian thinks that he has to protect me and I need to backoff so that he can take care of the threatening person or dog, so there's a two-way dance that he does: jump at me, so that I can stand back, and jump at the potential aggressor so that they keep away. This is kind of handy because that way, I have to keep a safe distance from other people and I also cannot linger too long.

And that's exactly how this conversation ended: my neighbor asked me if he could pet my cute dog and I told him no because my dog was too protective. And then I dragged my dog out of there and finished the walk. I was basically a bitch or mean. Whatever...

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